The Way Things Are
by EccentricallyYours
Summary: Harry marries Ginny, leaving Ron and Hermione to be roommates. Things are fine until he starts dating Pansy Parkinson, whose obsession with throwing dinner parties forces Hermione to spend many awkward hours alone with Pansy's roomie, Draco Malfoy.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The way things are

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling owns everything you recognize; the only thing that's mine is the plot.

Summary: With Harry married to Ginny, Ron and Hermione are left to be roommates. This is all good and well until he starts dating Pansy Parkinson, whose obsession with throwing dinner parties forces Hermione to spend many awkward hours alone with Pansy's roomie, Draco Malfoy. Clubbing, slurred words, and general hilarity ensue.

Author's Note: I got the idea for this when I was spacing out in math, and for whatever reason I began to think of the scene from Sideways when Miles and Maya are forced to make small talk and awkwardly hear the sexual cries of their two friends as they get it on. So…yeah. Here goes nothing.

**Chapter One**

Hermione stared dubiously at her reflection. Although the mirror had already informed her that she looked "lovely", she could not help but feel more than a little uncomfortable in the slinky black cocktail dress Ginny had insisted she buy while they were on Ginny's bachelorette vacation in Paris. She uncertainly tugged at the simple diamond clip she had used to pull back her hair.

"'Mione! Come on! We'll be late!" Ron called to her from the living room.

Sighing resignedly, she opened her door and walked out, grabbing her purse as she went.

"Haven't you heard of being fashionably late?" she asked him as she opened the door to their apartment. He followed her out, though he did not seem to have heard her.

"Blimey you look nice", he said softly.

Despite herself, Hermione was comforted by hearing a male's opinion on her appearance. She smiled at him.

"Thanks. You do, too."

As they stepped outside, Hermione inhaled deeply the cool summer night air. It was a beautiful evening; the sky was cloudless and the moon and stars shone brightly.

"Remind me why we can't just Apparate again?" Ron asked her grumpily after a few minutes of walking.

"Because it's not a far walk, it's rude to just Apparate into someone's house, and we live in a muggle neighborhood."

She could almost _hear _him rolling his eyes.

As they reached the end of the apartment buildings and started down the road that led to Ron's girlfriend's house, Hermione pondered quietly to herself. Pansy was definitely the wackiest of Ron's girlfriends (although she excluded herself from the list of his freaky exes, because she did not consider herself a nutcase), but they were both so smitten for each other that it didn't matter much. Truthfully, the only wacky thing about her was that after the war was over (she, Malfoy, and a few other Slytherins having switched to the right side), she suddenly underwent a personality change that made her very bubbly; this prompted her fetish for throwing almost weekly dinner parties, and was what encouraged tonight's party, on the day that marked her and Ron's one month anniversary.

Hermione got along well enough with Pansy, and thankfully, in the two dinner parties she had attended, Malfoy had been absent; even after he switched sides, the trio never saw him much, and were spared the burden of trying to be civil after six years of constant belittlement.

"RON! YOU'RE HEEEEEERRRREEEE!"

Hermione blinked in surprise as Pansy flung herself into Ron's arms, for she hadn't even realized they had arrived. She could see the party was already in full swing: noise reverberated throughout the house and out the open door, and she could see at least 30 people milling around inside. She grinned as she saw Harry standing in the doorway, beaming down at her.

"I didn't expect you to be here," she told him as she rushed up to hug him.

"Neither did we," he said, "but we finished up our honeymoon earlier than expected, just got back actually, and figured why not come to see everyone. Ginny's inside catching up with Luna, I expect…"

Hermione turned to follow Harry inside the house, but suddenly found herself being squeezed to death by Pansy.

"I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE TOO! My old friend is here, he was home schooled, but he's totally hot and I could definitely give you an intro if you like! If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, you need to get out into the dating world again Hermione, time is running out!"

Hermione chuckled. "Pansy, we're 20 years old."

"What difference does that make? You have to meet your husband someday. So, what about it, want to meet him?"

Hermione was saved giving a response by the arrival of more people ("Parvati! Lavender! I haven't seen you guys in _ages_!"), but unfortunately Harry had become lost in the crowd. She picked up a glass of butterbeer from the refreshments table and walked among everyone, saying hey to those she knew and stopping briefly to catch up with people she hadn't seen since school, or the end of the war. After an hour or so she became slightly exhausted with small talk and decided to venture off into other areas of the house, which she had never seen in its entirety before. She struck gold with the first door off the main hallway.

Hermione found herself in a fairly large library, with dark mahogany bookcases filled to the top with all kinds of intriguing looking books her fingers itched to peruse. She had to bite her lip from whispering "oooh", which she would have felt awkward saying out loud when she was alone. She walked up and picked out a dark red hardback at random, but before she could even open it, someone spoke from the shadows.

"It's not polite to look at another person's belongings without asking their permission first, you know."

She jumped and dropped the book in shock, her large brown eyes wide. Hastening to pick it up, she tried to identify the speaker, and stopped halfway down to retrieve it, standing back up in alarm. "Malfoy!"

Author's Note: whoo, chapter one down! So, what did you guys think? SPOILERS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER: Draco's thoughts on Hermione's little black dress, alcohol-induced immaturity in 20-year-olds manifesting itself through childish games, and a bit of streaking.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Way Things Are

Disclaimer: You know the drill

Author's Note: I think this chapter may be long…sorry if you hate long chapters. And thanks to all the reviews, they made my day!

**Viriditas**: to answer your question, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were former roommates until Harry and Ginny got married, so it's just Ron and Hermione now. Pansy and Draco have been roommates for a year now, and since she's only been dating Ron a month, it's not exactly time to move in together, you know?

Anyway, on to the next chapter, hope it doesn't disappoint! And remember, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

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**Chapter Two**

Malfoy was an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries, working solo in the research office in developing a potion relating to time travel. He had always preferred working alone, being very clever and extremely antisocial in working conditions. He hated having to ask the opinion of others on what he was creating, or being offered help when he did not need or ask for it. So when the Head asked him who he wanted on his team, he requested no one.

He had recently been researching in Egypt and China, whose ancient wizards had all shown a great deal of interest in time travel. However, he had been _forced_ to take a month off, and he had returned home two days ago. Despite his current workaholic tendencies, he did not mind: clubbing had always been a favorite pastime of his, and girls were all too easy to lure into his bed after being drawn into his "mystery" at the mention of his profession.

Though he hated to admit it, Granger looked…well, stunning. Her hair was pulled back, showing off a long and graceful neck, and her dress was not tight but clung to her body lightly, showing off an attractive figure. She had always been tall for a girl, but the unusual addition of heels showed off legs that _no_ boy at Hogwarts would have expected to be hiding under her uniform. True, she was not drop dead gorgeous, but there was no denying that she was indeed very pretty. And with the addition of tonight's outfit, stunning seemed an appropriate adjective.

He could tell she was nervous under his gaze; she fiddled with her locket, and her eyes flicked over to the door indecisively. She bent down to put the book back hastily, and seemed distressed to find him still staring at her when she turned around.

"What?" she asked exasperatedly after a moment. He remained silent, contemplating.

"No fiery insult? No snappy retort?" she said, half venom, half astonishment.

Malfoy studied her curiously. While Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws had welcomed the Slytherins with open arms after some of them switched sides, it was an obvious fact that things with the Gryffindors would be harder to patch up. Even so, after being at Order Headquarters with so many of them for multiple weeks being taught by Remus Lupin, they had at least become warm, civil acquaintances, if not friends. In their quest to be on good terms, the Slytherins had all learned patience in holding their tongues, thinking carefully before they spoke, and most importantly (and the hardest), humility. After breaking through, they were able to return back to their usual conversational styles (Malfoy's being neither grave nor solemn, but showy and charismatic). But Harry, Ron, and Hermione had not been there often, and he of course knew they would be the worst. Surprisingly, Harry had greeted him warmly earlier, and Ron, who had been over the night before, was talking with him as if they were old friends after a few stony silences and awkward apologies. He could only attribute this to them maturing quite a bit, and being influenced by love, making them more forgiving. Granger he knew for a fact hadn't been in a relationship since Ron, and she hardly struck him as the type to have a one night stand or a meaningless fling.

"What are you doing in here anyway?" he asked her, though not meanly.

Her expression faltered. "I'm sorry. I know it's your house and it's like I was snooping around, it's just the party was getting exhausted so I wanted to take a break from talking to every-"

But Hermione was interrupted as the doors to the library were thrown open. Pansy, her blonde waves looking suspiciously disheveled, grinned at them wickedly.

"What were _you_ two doing in here!" They both opened their mouths at the same time, ready to defend themselves, but she didn't wait for an answer. "Come on, a lot of the people have left, so we've decided to play truth or dare! It's going to be so much fun! Into the living room, you sneaky little vixens you!"

Hermione grimaced at the though of playing such a childish game (they'd been of age for three years now!) but couldn't help but catch Pansy's enthusiasm as she and Draco followed her down the hallway. It was infectious. She plopped down onto a rather squishy black leather couch next to Luna, who smiled at her dreamily. _Some things never change_, she though to herself as she grinned back. Hermione surveyed the group, marveling at what a strange assortment of people it was, and how such diversity would never have been handled this lightly at school.

Neville was on the other side of Luna, as they were dating, and Harry and Ginny shared a beanbag. Malfoy was flanked by Crabbe and oddly, Seamus Finnigan. Lavender sat chatting happily to Parvati and _Millicent Bulstrode_. Blaise Zabini, Ernie Macmillan, and Ron were all engaged in some kind of discussion (_probably quidditch_, she thought with a rolling of her eyes), and Anthony Goldstein, Hannah Abbott, andTheodore Notttook up the other couch. Hermione felt a momentary pang of sadness for the others who should have been there (Dean, Padma Patil, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Goyle). But all thoughts of loss were driven from her mind as Pansy stood in front of the group, clapping her hands eagerly, trying to get their attention.

"Okay everyone, listen up!" They all quieted down. "Great. Now, as you know, we're going to play truth or dare, except adult style, since that's what we are…okay! The rules: you get as many chicken outs as you want, except when you do so, you have to take a shot! And I cast a spell to make sure when you chicken out, the truth is something you _really_ don't want to reveal, or that the dare is something you _really_ don't want to do, just so there's no cheating…and if you try and cheat, beware! Now, I'll go first…Ginny! Truth or dare!"

Ginny raised her eyebrows at being the first picked, but met the challenge with a blazing stare. "Truth."

Pansy smirked. "What's the dirtiest sexual position you and Harry have ever done?"

Ginny seemed unfazed, but looked down at Harry, who had turned a deep, deep scarlet, and looked incredibly frightened. She laughed, held out her glass, and then downed the firewhiskey in one big gulp. Disappointed groans were heard throughout the group. She shrugged her shoulders at them. "Didn't want to embarrass my loser husband…not to mention things would have been awkward for Ron…" she paused thoughtfully, then shrugged her shoulders again and gave Harry a quick kiss before inspecting the crowd. Her eyes fell on Hermione, and she smiled evilly. Hermione felt a flutter in her stomach.

"Truth or dare, Hermoine?"

Hermione chewed her lip thoughtfully. People always thought truths were the most boring, but the fact of the matter was that they were the worst. Besides, if it was too bad, she could always just take a shot…

"Dare."

Ginny hesitated, thinking, and then her face lit up as she seemed to get a brilliant idea.

"I dare you to take four shots."

People rolled their eyes, and Hermione, glad it was nothing worse, got it over with quickly. For the first time in her life, she had not thought before acting, completely forgetting the fact that she was a total lightweight.

Unfortunately, the members of the room quickly noticed this.

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**Author's note**: so that chapter wasn't as exciting as I wanted it to be…it was getting too long…anyway, to avoid any questions that might be posed about this: Ginny wouldn't have minded her truth, but for Harry's sake, she honestly didn't want to reveal it. Hermione, however, had no second thoughts about taking four shots, and that's why she did it instead of just "chickening out" and taking the one, which the spell Pansy cast would have prevented anyway. BUT FEAR NOT! Next chapter will get much more interesting…mostly it will just be wild truths and dares, since it will open with everyone being smashed…but I've already said too much! Review, my dears!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: took me a while to update, but life has been hectic around here with prom and AP testing…sorry for the delay! And thank you OODLES to anyone and everyone who had reviewed so far!

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**Chapter Three**

Hermione Granger was ridiculously drunk.

She smiled lazily at Seamus, her eyes glazed, who was describing in detail his first sexual encounter with a veela girl he charmed with his adorable accent, by his account. Everyone gasped and ahhed accordingly.

As he finished, everyone clapped enthusiastically, except Luna, who looked mildly appalled. Seamus attempted to stand up and take a bow, but fell over, to everyone's great amusement, and slammed into Malfoy, who surprisingly just laughed harder. Seamus grinned sheepishly at everyone, then held up his hands to quiet them down.

"For our next act," he began dramatically, "I dare every girl who has the guts, or is just that drunk, to get up and dance like a stripper."

He flicked his wand so club music emitted from it, and Hermione, brain cells blasted temporarily away, jumped up and clapped her hands excitedly. She ran over to Ginny and grabbed her hands, bringing her over to the other girls that were already gyrating their hips and giving their guys suggestive looks (except for Millicent and Luna, who decided to laugh along with everyone else instead of joining in, and Pansy, who had taken the opportunity to shove her tongue down Ron's non-protesting throat).

Hermione shimmied and shook herself as she had never done before. The song, which she recognized as a Weird Sisters tune that she and Viktor had danced to all the Yule Ball, pulsed through her body and engulfed her. She swiveled her hips around to whistles and appreciative applause. Sweat began dripping down her body, and a brilliant idea suddenly occurred to her.

"LET'S GO STREAKING!" she shrieked, and Blaise, Parvati, Lavender, and Seamus tore off their clothes as if they had been waiting for this, and without further ado, sprinted out the front door.

Laughing, she tripped her way after them, struggling to remove her heels and dress as she went. The night air stung her wet body, and she wrapped her arms around herself as she followed their lead, all of them whooping and screaming in mirth…

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"You'll want to get down from there before the sun comes up."

Hermione jerked awake, immediately aware of her aching body and a pounding headache and the misty dewdrops on the leaves…

Wait. Misty dewdrops on the leaves?

She yelled and twisted her body frantically, which proved a very unwise thing to do as she toppled from the tree and landed on her ass, which did nothing to improve the sore state of her body.

She then realized a very important fact: she wasn't wearing any clothes.

"Malfoy!" she screeched up to the tall, pale figure in front of her as she pulled her body in close, hoping to protect it from view. "I'm naked!"

He had an amused expression on his face, mixed with something else she couldn't quite decipher. Shock? Concern? Longing?

Well the only one of those that made sense was shock.

"I see your ability to notice everything did not vanish when you left school," he said, though with none of the ice or sting he had used back at Hogwarts. He held out a dark blue robe, and she took it gratefully.

"Thanks," she muttered meekly, tying the strap in a tight knot and getting slowly to her feet. There was an awkward silence.

"Coffee?" he ventured bravely.

"That would be welcomed."

She followed him back inside the house, noticing Blaise and Lavender passed out on the couch (under a blanket, so their clothing status was unknown, although she would hazard a guess that they, too, were naked). The living room was otherwise unoccupied. They entered the kitchen, which Hermione would not have described as small, rather as cozy. Malfoy grabbed two checkered mugs and set them down on the table, then pointed his want at both and they immediately filled to the brim with a dark, steaming liquid. She sat down across from him and took a tentative sip.

"How did you know how I like it?" She asked, taken aback at the correct blend of sugar and cream.

"Lucky guess," he said vaguely, grabbing a muffin from the bowl in the center of the table. "Some people are easy to read in certain ways. I take my coffee-"

"Black," she interrupted promptly, and he smiled a little.

"Yes. I would guess-"

he scrutinized her for a moment –

"that you like your toast slightly burnt, with butter and cinnamon, you hate eggs, and prefer bacon to sausage."

She was rendered speechless by this dead-on accuracy, from _Malfoy_, no less, someone who hardly knew her, and could only nod her head dumbly, eyes huge, in awed amazement.

They lapsed into silence, both constantly sipping their drinks so they would have something to do besides just sit there, until her curiosity got the better of her pride.

"So," she began carefully, "what…exactly happened last night?"

Draco's head snapped up, and he studied her carefully, her hair disheveled and a brown smudge across her cheek. Truth be told, all he could think about was last night. It was almost impossible to explain, but he couldn't get the image of Hermione dancing and shaking and clapping, so uninhibited and just _free_, out of his mind. He had been unable to take his eyes off her as she swiveled her hips and batted her lashes and curled her lips up into a beckoning smile. There was no getting around it; last night, Hermione Granger had been possibly the sexiest creature he had ever seen. And what made her so sexy, so utterly irresistible, was the fact that she had _no_ idea that she was sexy at all.

Of course, he chose to tell her the G-rated version. Or actually PG-13, if he thought about it.

"Well, after you, Blaise, Lavender, Seamus and Parvati took off, most people left to go shag, or stayed here and did so, then left. I witnessed Blaise and Lavender come in about an hour after you guys had been out, and they shagged on the couch, then passed out. Parvati and Seamus ended up shagging on the back porch about 20 minutes after that. I was unable to sleep through all the very verbal shagging, but noticed you had never come back in, not even to retrieve your clothes, so I went out to look for you and found you curled up in the tree, and now here we are."

Hermione blinked a few times, taking it all in, then, unable to stop herself, blurted out, "Am I the only one who didn't get shagged last night!"

"No," he said pointedly, "I didn't either."

"Oh," she said immediately, a blush creeping over he cheeks. "Right." Then she paused to ponder it all.

Last night, after getting worthlessly drunk, everyone and their mothers, it seemed, had gotten some, with the exception of her and Malfoy, one of her most hated enemies for six years, with whom she now drinking coffee and having a discussion about shagging.

It was all very bizarre.

Before she had time to share her rather humorous observation with him, Pansy walked in the kitchen, wearing only a pair of pink lacy panties, her mouth open in shock.

"IN THE NAME OF MERLIN! WHY ARE YOU WEAING DRACO'S ROBE HERMIONE! DID YOU GUYS SHAG LAST NIGHT TOO!"

She waited for an answer, her tits doing a full on friendly "how do you do?" as she grabbed some pastries from the counter.

"No," stated Draco calmly, "I found her passed out in the front yard and felt compelled to wake her up before the neighbors saw."

Pansy smirked at him. "Aw, how very considerate of you."

He ignored her, and she considered both of them for a moment. Hermione felt like she was being judged, and quickly diverted her eyes from Pansy's piercing blue ones and took another sip of coffee.

"We're all going to dinner tonight. My treat. Bailey's at six. I've already made reservations, so you have to go," she cut Draco off sharply before he could protest. Then she smiled at them both brightly, ruffled his hair, and pranced out of the kitchen back to her room.

Hermione bit her lip nervously, a sudden uneasiness coming over her now that she and Malfoy were once again alone. Neither of them said anything, and she followed his gaze to the kitchen counter. She tapped her thumb on her mug repeatedly, her anticipation growing every second the silence stretched. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, she broke it by standing up.

"Thank you very much for the coffee. And…well…you know. I suppose I'll see you tonight."

"I suppose," he replied dully, and she gave him an apprehensive look. He was still staring at the marble counter top intensely, as if not really seeing it.

"I'll just…leave your robe in the living room, shall I?"

And without waiting for a response, she hurried out of the room, tossed the robe aside, threw on her clothes, and bolted out the door.

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**Author's Note**: Spoilers! Hermione reflects on her sudden uneasiness, gets a surprise visitor at the office, and Draco gets distracted by an old friend.


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